The Writing on the Pages
Where does one begin when asked to sum up an 11 ½ year
chapter of your life? The answer is hard
to put down into words. I have been trying to
write this update for the past 3 months.
Struggling to find words to adequately convey all that God has done, the
growth I’ve experienced, relationships built and life-change experienced and witnessed through
God’s hand seems an insurmountable task. In the coming week I'll be posting some FAQ's for you all too. In the mean-time here goes....
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| Have you ever had a load like this guy? |
To say that this journey has not been full of paradox would be far from the truth. I can’t recount the number of
times when faced with what seemed like impossible situations that could have
left me feeling hopeless yet I was filled with unexplainable peace and
confidence in God’s greater perspective of the situation. That's not to say that I didn't have some freak out moments! :-) These past four years serving at NCA
Matagalpa have been rewarding and challenging in the deepest of ways. As I reflect back I see so many little ways
that God had been preparing me for the work that He would have me do in
Matagalpa. My interactions with
Nicaraguan school teachers and school directors in churches that Christ For theCity partnered with in my early years in Nicaragua were just the beginning. Those experiences helped me understand the struggle it is to
find teachers who teach with their heart, and how difficult it is to say to
parents behind on their school bill due to unemployment that they have to
find a way to catch up so that you can have the funds to give their son’s
teacher a paycheck.
The ability to comprehend the power of fear that drives Nicaraguans to only do precisely what their employer has
directed them to do and no more for fear of losing their job and thus not being able to
provide for their family. All of this and more have opened my eyes to see what has led to such lack of experience in critical problem
solving and squelched creativity.
These experiences and more have been God’s way of
preparing me to partner with Nicaragua Christian Academy and open a new campus
in Matagalpa and serve alongside a stellar team for the past few years. Through applying my knowledge and experience with the framework
of my Nicaraguan coworkers we were able to address some of
these hurdles from a different angle and achieve deeper levels of success and
systemic change because WE collectively identified the “Why” before moving towards the
“How” of making positive changes. The school, staff, students and families are growing, collaborating by leaps and bounds and it makes my heart sing God's praises for all that He is doing at NCAM.
However nothing prepared me for the pain of saying good-bye to these
special people that I have worked alongside for these past few years. When your heart strings are tied in so
closely to the people and the place God has placed you to serve the separation
is painful. Leaving
a place you love and truly felt called to is grief.
I feel so blessed to have been able to meet and work with so
many incredible teachers, co-workers, students and parents and friends. I sit here in awe and ask, “God, who am I that you chose to use
me?”. The truth is I don’t have the
answer but He rejoices in the growth, life, love and acceptance that has grown
from me, a simple, broken vessel, that has been laid before Him during this
chapter of my life.
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| Isabella a 3rd grader and her Dad at their family's coffee farm |
November and December were filled with busy schedules as I
trained, explained and handed over lots of files to the new director Mr. Kynast
and filled out the last evaluations, finalized our growth plans and had our
last collaborative meetings with team members and began the process of saying
good-bye to so many people that I love dearly.
Stepping into classrooms, hugging students that you’ve gone the extra
mile for and having parents approach you with overwhelming hearts of gratitude
filled the last weeks of classes. Time was filled with tearful good-byes and
walks down memory lane as we recounted so many precious memories of God’s
overwhelming faithfulness together. How
do you say good-bye to a people and a place that has welcomed you in and allowed
you to learn and grow with them for more than a decade? The truth is you can’t. You leave a piece of your heart with all of
those people and places you loved and your heart grows bigger with all of the
love and memories you carry with you as you leave the place you called home.
“You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.”
― Miriam Adeney
The Page Between
My focus since returning to the US has been setting aside
time to rest and recover from a particularly busy season of life and re-center
my life and energy in the One who made me.
When you are running 90 mph every
day from sun up to sun down and a little beyond you don’t stop long enough to
realize just how tired your mind and body really are. Long, quiet days have been wonderful to
enjoy time alone with God and slow my
brain down to a healthier rhythm with fewer distractions. I spent a week in the Colorado mountains at
the Potter’s Inn for an intensive time of
rest and reflection. I felt as
though God had been preparing my heart and mind to glean so much from this
one-on-one time with a spiritual director.
Recognizing some unhealthy habits that I’ve developed as I have found my
identity in what I do rather than who God has made me to be and I've begun taking active
steps to find my fulfillment in who He has made me to be.
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| Fredssy doing a science experiment |
Fast forward three months and here I sit writing this update
in Greenville, South Carolina. God has
provided for me in amazing ways as I was able to spend some quality time with
my family in Colorado and Kansas as well as see some dear friends along the way
as I headed out East. After 4 weeks
of getting the lay of the land in
Greenville my head is still spinning. I
guess the easiest way to explain this is that I’ve moved to a new country. Sure the US is my passport country but it has
changed a lot and so have I over the years. Similar to when I moved to Nicaragua I have
to learn the customs and culture of this “New Country”. While it may not be as technical of a
transition as my move to Nicaragua in 2004 the reality is that it is just as
full of uncomfortable cultural mishaps, language miscommunication, new
friendships, adventures and emotional roller coaster rides as a cross-cultural
move.
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| Students making a playhouse for the elementary |
The New
Chapter
The new chapter of my journey is just beginning as I go
through the process of getting connected on a deeper level with new people and
get a pulse on where I am being called to serve and live here in Greenville.
Despite the overwhelming number of choices and decisions I
encounter at every turn I have seen some
pretty cool provision from God in unique ways.
A former missionary family has graciously let me stay in their garage
apartment while I get settled. God provided an awesome car and some super
knowledgeable people to go with me to check
it out and make sure that the vehicle passed the test. Then I’ve met some other people who are just
super connected to service opportunities in the community that I am really excited to get to know more
in the coming months. He even provided
a camping opportunity that filled a need
to be outside in nature with a cool new family that I met at church. He also provided a job to work as an
administrative assistant at a circuit board repair company while I get my feet
underneath me this year. Connections are
in the works in many ways but as with all good things they take time. We
serve a mighty King who is worthy of all praise in struggle and in triumph.
So I close with some lyrics of a new song I just learned
from Elevation Worship called Only KingForever
What do we have to bring
This is our offering, our hearts before
The risen Lord
All power in Your Name
Jesus the one who saves, be lifted high
Our song will rise
Oh great and mighty King
You reign in majesty
Before Your throne we sing
Holy holy
Oh great and mighty King
For all eternity
We bow with heaven and sing
Holy holy
This is our offering, our hearts before
The risen Lord
All power in Your Name
Jesus the one who saves, be lifted high
Our song will rise
Oh great and mighty King
You reign in majesty
Before Your throne we sing
Holy holy
Oh great and mighty King
For all eternity
We bow with heaven and sing
Holy holy
Join me in praying
- A roommate and housing by the end of May
- Cultural re-entry
- The grieving process of missing my home
(Nicaragua)
- New Friends and Community
- Unity for the NCA Matagalpa Team as they continue to grow
- Wisdom in the journey ahead
- Balance for the new Director as he learns the ropes and settles in to his new community
- Continued professional development opportunities and coaching for the NCAM staff and that they would continue to rise up and teach others what they know.
Part of my Nicaraguan Missionary family. Dear, dear friends!
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| Some of our AMAZING staff!! |
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